when I start to think of being an ideal person to someone else, I know that we've been apart for far too long. I'm ashamed to have this kind of thought.

You still love me right? It's not just the burden of reciprocity ne? I hate being insecure.

Pfft.

Let us think positive!!!!

A part of Sharon Old's poem, the imagery of which I liked very much...

Resting
On the crest of the mountains, one huge
cloud with scalloped edges of blazing
evening light, we did not turn back,
we stayed with it, even though we were
far beyond what we knew, we rose
into the grain of the cloud, even though we were
frightened, the air hollow, even though
nothing grew there, even though ti is a
place from which no one has ever come back

--Ecstasy by Sharon Olds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYe7Bvdv6Ow

shaved ice for your breath
that blows eagerly on my skin
the wind slithers between my fingers
and for this moment we face a thousand pain
to loosen clenched hands
and lift downcast eyes
our soul resurfaces in the heat of the flesh
in the mercy of a consuming desire

Can we draw on the wall that encloses us
Draw swaying leaves of green and gold
We want to run away
Across the capturing vastness of a field
Then fall on a bed of grass
to give way to more dreaming

What's behind this wall?
Can we draw a red thread
From each of our fingertips
One ending another beginning
Until we've caught eternity?

Though sorrow dwells in this enclosure
Emptiness sitting on space
I tug at our red thread
blood across the green field
to guide my way

Paano lumilipas ang panahon para sa taong naghihintay? Mas masakit pa atang narito ako masayang nakikipag-usap sa'yo na tila napakatagal nang magkakilala ngunit hindi maiparating ang tunay na saloobin kaysa noong pinagmamasdan lang kita. Nagpapasalamat sa maikling panahong ibinigay ng tadhana, marahil hindi sapat ang kaunting halkhak at kaunting suporta para sa taong naghahangad ng mga "susunod" pang sandali.

I saw the movement of her hips
and we weaved through bodies,
we danced to one song
and breathed the air stained with this rhythm


but like water that had seeped through my soul
i took her spirit in
her movement had caused ripples within me
and on this eve
the music gave us a new high
drowning out everything but our reverberating bodies

Within the chaos of the forest
the moon fails to shine
we've gone too far
to remember and turn back

we try not to feel the halt of remembrance
dashing our bodies against each other


silence only gnaw at the memories
leaving tattered edges
and gaping holes
between us
and all that we've lost sight of